In Honor of Mom

At 5:05pm on September 29th, I lost my beloved mother, my best friend, my world, my everything. She was 59 years old. My mother died in my arms after a two and a half year battle with the most aggressive type of brain tumor - grade IV glioblastoma. I have been through surgeries, radiation, chemo, endless poking with needles for blood draws and injections, countless trips to the hospital, physical therapy, speech therapy, wheelchairs, and 5am wake-up times. 

I would be lying if I said I have had a good night's rest in the past years... But the last 48 hours have been surreal. It still feels like a dream - I was by my mother's side for 2 days straight, without getting up from the bed. I pushed her hospital bed close to the bed I slept in, and enveloped her in my love and warm embrace. Last night, my mother's best friends Claudio and Marc were there with me, as I sang songs to her, while we all said our goodbyes. She passed 4 times her last night, but came back into her body, and resumed breathing. 

Mom couldn't move, or talk, and she didn't have any food or water for 5 days, but was still going strong without life support or any fluids. The hospice nurses confirmed my disbelief - this was unseen strength for any patient they have ever worked with! She was holding on for me.

The last moments I had with my mom were unforgettable. I heard her last breath as I held her tight and told her how much I loved her. I told her I'm sorry I couldn't save her, but I did all that I could.

We had a beautiful celebration of life for my mother at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills. I had her music playing in the church, everyone came dressed in all white, and the preacher sang a sermon in Russian for an hour. She was at ease, and is no longer suffering. She was beautiful...

Last night, Maria and I were going through Margarita's things, and packing clothes for donations. This paper with mom's affirmations was with some old CDs and address books from ten years ago, or so. I threw it in the garbage, but then quickly retrieved it because it looked like a love note. Incredible. Simply incredible to find this.

I love you, mom.

Life is Beautiful!

There is a cashier at the Hollywood Whole Foods Market that I always get in line to see - Alex. He is a tall, white-haired elderly Russian man, probably in his late sixties. This man used to work at the Sunset and Fairfax Rite Aid when I was still a teenager - this is when I first started chatting with him at the register. The other day he looked very sad when I came up. 

When I asked Alex what was wrong, he admitted that he was bored with life, and felt like he is missing out. "Have you been to Europe?" He asked me. "Sure, Europe is very refreshing and full of interesting places to explore!" "Well, I haven't. I haven't seen many things, and I can't get a long vacation. I feel like my life is terrible." "Life is beautiful, Alex! Don't ever say otherwise! You are so lucky you live in the USA, you are so lucky you are healthy! You have to be grateful you are employed, look at this beautiful store! Look at these nice people, and clean environment! Be happy!" A smile graced his face. "5 minutes with you, and everything just changed! I can't believe it, you just breathed life into me again, you're absolutely right! I'm healthy, I'm working, I can't believe it, you really changed my whole mood!"

Sometimes when people grow older, retire, get weaker, they don't feel appreciated, especially when they see bustling life around them... Please breathe life into those who need your affirmation. It will make you happy, too!