In Honor of Mom

At 5:05pm on September 29th, I lost my beloved mother, my best friend, my world, my everything. She was 59 years old. My mother died in my arms after a two and a half year battle with the most aggressive type of brain tumor - grade IV glioblastoma. I have been through surgeries, radiation, chemo, endless poking with needles for blood draws and injections, countless trips to the hospital, physical therapy, speech therapy, wheelchairs, and 5am wake-up times. 

I would be lying if I said I have had a good night's rest in the past years... But the last 48 hours have been surreal. It still feels like a dream - I was by my mother's side for 2 days straight, without getting up from the bed. I pushed her hospital bed close to the bed I slept in, and enveloped her in my love and warm embrace. Last night, my mother's best friends Claudio and Marc were there with me, as I sang songs to her, while we all said our goodbyes. She passed 4 times her last night, but came back into her body, and resumed breathing. 

Mom couldn't move, or talk, and she didn't have any food or water for 5 days, but was still going strong without life support or any fluids. The hospice nurses confirmed my disbelief - this was unseen strength for any patient they have ever worked with! She was holding on for me.

The last moments I had with my mom were unforgettable. I heard her last breath as I held her tight and told her how much I loved her. I told her I'm sorry I couldn't save her, but I did all that I could.

We had a beautiful celebration of life for my mother at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills. I had her music playing in the church, everyone came dressed in all white, and the preacher sang a sermon in Russian for an hour. She was at ease, and is no longer suffering. She was beautiful...

Last night, Maria and I were going through Margarita's things, and packing clothes for donations. This paper with mom's affirmations was with some old CDs and address books from ten years ago, or so. I threw it in the garbage, but then quickly retrieved it because it looked like a love note. Incredible. Simply incredible to find this.

I love you, mom.