For Mom

My mother was my best friend, my role model, my teacher, my everything. She taught me how love and respect myself and others, to constantly educate myself, to keep a positive mindset, and to always work with integrity and honesty. Most importantly, my mother taught me that there is nothing more important than friends family, and taking care of each other in difficult times is an honor, and a divine privilege.

In Honor of Mom

At 5:05pm on September 29th, I lost my beloved mother, my best friend, my world, my everything. She was 59 years old. My mother died in my arms after a two and a half year battle with the most aggressive type of brain tumor - grade IV glioblastoma. I have been through surgeries, radiation, chemo, endless poking with needles for blood draws and injections, countless trips to the hospital, physical therapy, speech therapy, wheelchairs, and 5am wake-up times. 

I would be lying if I said I have had a good night's rest in the past years... But the last 48 hours have been surreal. It still feels like a dream - I was by my mother's side for 2 days straight, without getting up from the bed. I pushed her hospital bed close to the bed I slept in, and enveloped her in my love and warm embrace. Last night, my mother's best friends Claudio and Marc were there with me, as I sang songs to her, while we all said our goodbyes. She passed 4 times her last night, but came back into her body, and resumed breathing. 

Mom couldn't move, or talk, and she didn't have any food or water for 5 days, but was still going strong without life support or any fluids. The hospice nurses confirmed my disbelief - this was unseen strength for any patient they have ever worked with! She was holding on for me.

The last moments I had with my mom were unforgettable. I heard her last breath as I held her tight and told her how much I loved her. I told her I'm sorry I couldn't save her, but I did all that I could.

We had a beautiful celebration of life for my mother at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills. I had her music playing in the church, everyone came dressed in all white, and the preacher sang a sermon in Russian for an hour. She was at ease, and is no longer suffering. She was beautiful...

Last night, Maria and I were going through Margarita's things, and packing clothes for donations. This paper with mom's affirmations was with some old CDs and address books from ten years ago, or so. I threw it in the garbage, but then quickly retrieved it because it looked like a love note. Incredible. Simply incredible to find this.

I love you, mom.